Why You Shouldn't Order Things Off the Internet

I know, I know. I haven't posted anything, so this is my inaugural post. It's a story, which I think is kind of funny. All the pictures are big enough to see what the text says.

So, my friends around the dorm have taken to calling me George Michael, not after the singer-songwriter, but after the character in Arrested Development. I got the feeling that this nickname was not going anywhere any time soon, to I decided to embrace it by buying a signed photo of Michael Cera, the actor who plays George Michael, off eBay. Well, I had been waiting anxiously for it, and it finally came today. Or at least I thought it did. The package did say "Daniel Koblenz" on it, and the receipt did say "Quantity 1: MICHAEL CERA hand signed 8x10 photograph," however, when I looked at the next page, I saw a letter, on which the first line read:

Hello Daniel. Here is the Katherine Hepburn strand of hair you have recently purchased from me through eBay.

I looked at the next page, and saw a piece of paper with a few pictures of Katherine on it, and in the corner, what looked liked a pubic hair under a transparent sticker. As soon as I realized what I was holding, I burst out laughing so loudly, the kid in the room next to me (who by the way slept through a class this morning he is supposed to be in with me) woke up.

It only got better from there.

I took the hair out of the bag and found the certificate of authenticity, signed by John Reznikoff, who holds the Guinness world record for the largest celebrity hair collection. Plus, to prove it is real, there is a xerox copy of a letter in which somebody named Bob Alles describes how he used to rummage through the dumpster outside her house (244 East 49 street, NYC) to find memorabilia such as hair, fan mail, and clothing. He mentions how he is sure the hair belonged to 'Kate' because over his four year career of garbage digging (1988-1992), he never once found any other type of hair in the dumpster.

So now, I think i am going to keep the hair, not only because Katherine is now dead and the hair will be worth thousands in a few years, but because I think it is much funnier than the George Michael autograph, and maybe I'll start a celebrity hair collection to try and dethrone John Reznikoff.